My blogs of late have managed to provoke quite a but of discussion. I am sure my dear friend and critique partner Christine London will not mind if I post her enlightening response....take it away , Chris
I hope we never figure it out because it is as personal as the individual. Some of us require absolute attention from our beloved. Others find seperate holidays and weeks apart the glue of relational longevity. Some define monogamy in purely physical terms and are not bothered by their partner spending time with members of the opposite sex. Others are more jealous by the shared laughs and smiles than walking in on a tumble in the sheets.
In general our society traditionally defines infidelity by the sex act, but why should society have a say in the our individual hearts and minds? If nothing else good comes from our over exposure to the exponentially growing amount of information produced by mankind, perhaps the fact that we all have our own individual needs and feeling should be central. Freedom should no longer be limited to democractic politics or choice of job/place of residence and religion. Freedom, should be choice of the way we live in our relationships as well. Societal boundries are being pushied and challenged daily as we grow into the future.
Change is always messy, so to, meaningful relationships. It is through the give and take of relationship that each of us must decide with what we are comfortable. Whether it be open marriage or tradtional coupling where no appreciable contact is desirable with members of the opposite sex that are not the spouse--it should be the sum of the hearts and minds of the individuals involved. Messy? Sure. But anything worth negotiating is.
Now all we have to do is be ever vigilant to protect each person's right to make those choices and get our corporate noses out of other people's decisions. Love is good. Love is never wasted. It should always be respected in any healthy form which it manifests.
Thanks.
Viviane
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14 hours ago
I don't know...I believe in monogamy, physically, mentally and spiritually. I don't believe they can be separated but I do think we can rationalize well when we want to. I don't find my husband boring, in fact, the more committed we've become, the more exciting our relationship has evolved.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm just one of the lucky ones. If so, I wish you all that three-fold fidelity that is richer than the most beautiful sunrise or triple chocolate cake.
My vows said forsaking all others. That's great wisdom, it means others will come. The more "others" I've forsaken for my one and only, the deeper our love has grown.
I've sacrificed love affairs, Caribbean cruises, diamonds, and promises of forever from other men, for my husband. What I've gotten in return is the blossoming of a heart known only to me. We really do share a beautiful world together which belongs only to us. :)
Thank you, Karen, for sharing. I have to say I do envy you your contentment. You are, indeed, one of the fortunates. I understand your point of view but I also agree with Chris. I believe its all a matter of character. We are all different. Personally, I doubt I will ever find what you have. I am a restless soul. I hasten to add, I do not act upon my restlessness but the wanting is there, in my heart and mind. Thus, I am guilty, I believe, of infidelity.
ReplyDeleteViv
Ah well, I didn't say I don't get restless! LOL! I think we all do. So if that's infidelity, I'd have to join you there. I just keep stepping away from the temptations, some are harder than others, but when I do there's reward at home.
ReplyDeleteIt may be a romance writer's wiring. When I began writing mainstream romance, I realized those ideas had nothing to do with my marriage but were pieces of the stories I had in mind to write. As soon as they're on paper, I relax and get back to my own relationship.